Why Parenting Through the College Process Feels So Hard

January has never been my favorite month.

It’s long, dark, and cold, and the fun parts of winter are usually over. The holidays are behind us, spring feels far away, and everything seems to slow down — except our thoughts.

As a college counselor, January also pulls me in a lot of different directions.

Seniors are waiting on decisions, following up on deferrals, and trying (with varying degrees of success) not to let senioritis take over. Juniors — and even sophomores — are beginning to step more fully into the process, and I’m getting to know their interests, aptitudes, hopes, and dreams.

And then there are the parents.

I talk with parents at every stage of the journey — about ACT and SAT testing, college tours, applications, financial aid, and the ongoing question of how to best support their child without taking over.

Year after year, I’m reminded that parenting through the college admission process can be intensely difficult. Not because parents are doing anything wrong — but because the process itself touches on so many emotional fault lines.

Here are three reasons why I believe it’s especially hard.

1. We Have a Lot of Practice Being Adults. Teenagers Don’t.

As adults, we’ve had years (decades, really) to learn how to manage deadlines, advocate for ourselves, and make decisions with long-term consequences in mind.

Teenagers are still learning how to do all of that — often for the very first time — and they’re doing it in a process that feels incredibly high-stakes.

It’s hard to watch your child flounder with something that feels so important. At the same time, this stage of life is exactly when they need increasing independence and autonomy. Knowing when to step in and when to step back can feel like an impossible balance.

Parents often feel caught between wanting to protect their child from mistakes and knowing that growth requires discomfort. Both instincts are valid — and holding them at once is exhausting.

As a parent trying to walk the line of support and fostering independence and ownership I’m practicing asking my own kids these two questions:

What do you think?

Do you want me to just listen or to give advice right now?

2. The Emotional Weight of What Comes Next

No matter how you feel about the phrase “empty nest,” it’s emotional to imagine your teen leaving home.

For many families, college represents one of the first major separations — and sometimes the first time your child won’t be living under your roof on a daily basis. Even when the transition is exciting and positive, it can also bring grief, uncertainty, and a deep sense of change.

These feelings often surface quietly in January, when decisions loom and the reality of what’s coming starts to feel more real.

It’s okay if you find yourself feeling emotional about this, even if you’re also proud, excited, and hopeful. Those feelings can coexist.

3. The Pressure of Prestige — Even When We Don’t Mean It

Our society places a tremendous amount of importance on prestigious, name-brand colleges.

Even if we would never say it out loud, many parents quietly hope their child will attend a “top-tier” school. We want the very best for our kids — and it’s easy to slip into a good / better / best mindset when thinking about college options.

Often without realizing it, we pass that pressure along.

Students feel it in subtle ways: in the schools that get more attention, in the comparisons that creep into conversations, in the unspoken fear of “not doing enough.” Over time, that pressure can make the process feel less like a search for fit and more like a referendum on worth. Ask yourself—what do I hope my child gains from college, beyond a name on their sweatshirt?

Parenting through the college admission process is hard because it’s not just logistical — it’s emotional, relational, and deeply human. If parenting feels especially heavy right now, you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re navigating a process that matters, during a season that already asks a lot of us.

As I continue building College on Purpose, my goal is to help families approach college with more clarity, intention, and trust — in the process, and in their students.

If this resonated, you’re not alone. Many thoughtful parents feel this way — even if it’s rarely said out loud. For now, I hope you’re being gentle with yourself.